The Table Podcast | Ep. 44: What 41 Taught Me About Time, Standards, and Relationships
I'm writing this from the same couch I recorded Episode 44 from…. sick, on my 41st birthday, with a voice that sounds like I've been screaming at concerts for a week and a face giving full borderline homeless chic.
Not exactly the glam champagne-toast birthday I had pictured.
But it ended up being one of the most honest episodes I've ever put out and I want to walk you through why.
Why I Didn't Cancel
Last year, I made a quiet commitment to myself: I was done half-assing the things I say matter to me. Not as a vibe. Not as a Pinterest-board affirmation. As an actual standard.
The catch is that commitments don't get to be situational. The way you show up for yourself is the exact way you show up in every relationship in your life. So when I woke up on my birthday sick, with every reason in the book to skip the recording, I had a choice — keep the promise to myself, or break it and quietly tell every other promise in my life that it was negotiable too.
I sat down. Hit record. Said the thing.
Time Is the Most Fleeting Resource We Have
Being sick on my birthday turned out to be a kind of gift. It forced me to slow down and actually look at where my time has been going.
Not in a morbid way. In a clarifying one.
The older I get, the more I realize that time is the most fleeting resource we have. We only get one shot at this life. And if that's true — and it is — then the question stops being how do I get more done? and starts being who am I doing it with, and is it worth it?
That reframe has been quietly reorganizing my entire life.
The Three Questions That Are Reorganizing Everything
I've been asking these about every relationship I'm in:
Who gets my time? Who drains my time? Who multiplies my time?
The answers have been clarifying in a way I wasn't fully ready for. Some people I love deeply have been getting more of my time than the relationship actually warrants. Some people I'd written off as "convenient acquaintances" turned out to be quiet multipliers. And some relationships I've been holding onto out of pure habit have been steadily draining me without me ever putting language to it.
If you're going to use one thing from Episode 44, use these three questions.
Bless and Release Isn't Harsh — It's Honest
I've been saying "bless and release" for a few years now, and I want to be clear about what it actually means.
It's not cutting people off. It's not announcing your exit on the way out. It's not dramatic.
It's just the quiet acknowledgment that some relationships have run their season — and forcing them to keep running drains the energy you need for the relationships that are meant for the season you're actually in.
Sometimes the most loving thing you can do is stop forcing connection where the alignment isn't there anymore. That makes room. And the room is where the right people walk in.
Why Some of My Most Powerful Relationships Don't Live in My City
Here's something I didn't expect:
Some of the most powerful relationships in my life right now live in different states, different cities, different countries. Not next door. Not in the carline. Not at the same coffee shop on Tuesday mornings.
This isn't a knock on the women who are in my four walls — I love you fiercely. But it's a recalibration of what proximity actually means.
Proximity isn't location. It's intention.
I'd rather spend intentional time with the right people than convenient time with the wrong ones. Every time.
The Relationships I'm Reprioritizing at 41
In the episode, I walk through five relationships that are getting recalibrated this year:
My marriage. My husband and I have been together for 21 years and married for 17. We still laugh. Still have fun. Still actually like each other. None of that happened by accident — it happened because we made commitments and kept them, especially in the seasons where the leftovers would have been easier.
My kids. I have three girls, and I'm hyper-aware that this is fleeting. I don't get a do-over on these years. So how I show up — and what I show up for — matters more than ever.
Myself. This one sounds odd to say out loud, but the way I speak to myself, care for myself, and hold myself radically responsible is the foundation everything else is built on. If I won't keep promises to me, I have no business asking anyone else to.
My faith. A relationship with God isn't a checkbox. It's a relationship — and like every other relationship, it requires me to show up consistently. When I do, everything else flows differently.
My friendships. The right ones. Not all of them. Not the ones that have been on autopilot. The ones where the energy is mutual and the obsession (in the best way) is shared.
What I Want You to Sit With This Week
If today's episode hit something for you, here's what I'd ask:
Where are you giving your time out of habit or obligation instead of intention?
Where are you showing up fully but accepting less in return?
Where might you need to bless and release so you can create space for someone or something more aligned for this season of your life?
You don't need more relationships. You need the right ones. And the courage to choose them.
🎧 Listen to Episode 44 of The Table: Apple Podcasts | Spotify
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🪑 About The Table
The Table is the podcast for entrepreneurs, leaders, and people building bold lives where we talk leadership, marriage, parenthood, scaling without burnout, and what it actually takes to build something that lasts. Hosted by Haley Westfall — community expert, event curator, podcast host, and resident believer that proximity changes everything.
